It’s fair to say that when you become a mum/new parent your life completely changes. In all honesty, the majority of these changes are for the better but in some ways, it does change for the worse.
A lot of women feel guilty for feeling and probably admitting this but I think it’s important to just be real. I’m all about showing the real side of motherhood. Just like the show Working Moms on Netflix’s and if you haven’t watched that yet then you must!
You often see that parent on Instagram who looks like they have everything under control. Well, don’t you worry because as a mum of just ONE baby. A baby who is ONLY 9 months old I’m here to tell you that’s not real! No matter how perfect your child might be they are still hard work. Becoming a mother is one of the hardest most tiring jobs you’ll ever have. So, from one mum to another, it’s ok to admit you miss your old life sometimes and that motherhood can be damn right tough.
There’s so much you take for granted before you have children. I don’t know if you feel the same as me but it’s always the simple things. Things like not having to jump up out of bed straight away. Babies don’t come with a 5-minute snooze option I’m afraid! Do you remember the last time you sat down and enjoyed a relaxing HOT cup of coffee? I can’t even remember the last time I got to make myself a coffee let alone drink it. Don’t get me started on pooping. I would love nothing more than being able to poo in peace. Sorry if it’s a little TMI but do you realise how hard it is to rush a poo when your baby is screaming? well, it’s hard.
You’re still a good mum if you…
Drink wine on a Tuesday, Swear a little… or maybe a lot, watch TV instead of doing the washing up, consider nap time your favourite time of the day, wear the same clothes 3 days in a row, you forget to be the tooth fairy, you need to put yourself in a time out before you lose the plot and order Dominos pizza more than you’d like to admit.
Go Out For A Coffee:
Coffee trips are my favourite little past time. I love spending time in Costa and Starbucks with or without the kids. Although I am super excited to experience a baby chino with Lexie I do like having my own time too. Being able to go out and enjoy a hot coffee without the stress of a child knocking it over would be amazing. I mean Coffee shops can end up being expensive if you’re like me and decide you want a cake or three. But if you’re careful and just go once a month it can be something so simple, affordable and quick. If you can get your partner/family member to watch the little ones for an hour then a coffee shop is the place to go.
Have A Girls Night Out:
My best friends birthday is coming up very soon and they have invited me along for a night out in London. I was going to say no because I immediately thought “no I can’t do that”. I mean what would I wear? Do I even have the spare cash? and will it make me a bad mum for going? All of these questions raced around my head. In the end, I’ve decided that I’m going to go and I feel really good for putting myself first for once.
Obviously, this isn’t something that’s realistically going to happen every weekend but there’s no harm in doing so. Us mums have so much guilt about not being the best mum that we can be. We often end up putting ourselves last and forget about enjoying our own lives in the process. Someone once told me that a happy mum makes a good mum. So, put yourself first every once in a while and be that happy mum.
Have you got an event/night out coming up soon and not sure what you’re going to wear? You should check out this gorgeous camel slinky ruched thin strap midi dress that I got sent the other day. The ruffles that you can see going horizontally across the dress are perfect for hiding those mum tum lumps and bumps. I like dresses like this because they are very sophisticated whilst coving all the parts that I feel a little insecure about. The only thing I would say is that I definitely need a tan with this one! Don’t get me wrong the colour of the dress is gorgeous but the paleness of my skin isn’t. Why can’t I be an olive skin beauty queen like the model wearing it!
Now, who doesn’t love to be completely pampered? I know I do. It would honestly be a dream come to true to have my very own masseuse – I mean it’s not likely to happen but a girl can dream. I just love everything about being pampered and having nothing to worry about for a little bit of time. Spa breaks can end up being pricey but there are always some fantastic deals locally on Groupon and Wowcher. I have booked myself many day trips, weekend getaways and spa break from these sites and I have never once been disappointed. Before you go and splash the cash it’s always worth checking them sites first.
This would be the perfect opportunity to have some time away from the kids and get some moments alone. Of course, if you want you can always invite your friends along and relax over a glass of bubbly too.
Let Someone Else Take Over:
It’s ok to admit that sometimes you need and want help. This is something that’s taken me a very long time to accept and even still I struggle with this now. As I’ve mentioned 100 times before it all comes down to the mum guilt. Feeling guilty for not being the one to love, look after and protect your baby. Well, guess what? it’s ok to pass them over to someone else for a little while. I am so fortunate enough to have family around me that offer to help all the time. I don’t know where I’d be without the support of my family when it comes to looking after Alexis. Even if it’s just an hour in the evening or one day at the weekend. Make sure to give yourself a little bit of time to recharge and be the best mum you can be.
Buy Yourself Something New Each Month:
I seriously miss the days where I lived at home with my parents and didn’t pay rent. My wages were my wages and I could spend that money on whatever I wanted. I can not remember where or why I wasted so much of my money back then but I guess that’s what it’s like to be young and naive. I think it’s super important to remember that even though you’re a mum now it’s ok to spend money on yourself.
Don’t get me wrong Alexis does come first and she does tend to drain my bank account on milk, food and clothing (ok and maybe a few new toys) but I always make sure to treat myself to one little thing. Each month I will set aside something for myself and I don’t feel guilty for doing it. This month I got this lovely black cold shoulder cut out jersey dress. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have been gifted this item from Femmeluxe but it’s just an example of the sort of thing I would buy myself.
Make Time For Old Hobbies and Don’t Feel Guilty For it:
Before kids, I was the ultimate book worm. Ever since having Alexis I’ve struggled to make time for myself. If she’s napping, I’m cleaning and most definitely not reading. When she’s awake the only book I’m reading is touchy feel books for toddlers. Every time I put Alexis down for a nap I would rush around the house desperately trying to get everything back in order before she wakes. I would just wear myself out and never felt like I got time to myself. Now, If I don’t want to tidy I bloody hell won’t. I use nap time for myself. That is also my time to recharge so that I can be a better/happier mum for when she wakes.
Have a date night:
To be quite honest with you, I’ve always been a complete sucker for this kind of stuff. I don’t think kids should ever stop love and romance from happening. We adore Alexis so much but she already has 95% of our love, attention and time. The other 5% will always be Matts. I really want Alexis to grow up knowing that she’ll have her family time with us but mummy and daddy need time together too. Matt works just as hard as I do and we barely get time for one another anymore. It’s fair to say that he’s no longer the top of my priority list and some times I feel guilty about that (there we go again with the dreaded G-word).
We have some amazing ideas for the perfect date night so make sure you check them out. Whether you’re looking to be wined and dined or you just want something a little more relaxed I swear Mrs Cupid over here’s done them all. If you click here you can read all about one of our more recent date nights. It was a lovely meal at one of our local country-styled pubs. So if you’re local to Kent that’s always worth checking out.
Book Yourself A Holiday:
Everybody loves having something to look forward right? What’s better than having a holiday coming up soon. Having a holiday booked gives you the happiness and inspiration you need. We like to book our holidays way in advance as I find it easier to budget and save for it each month. I just find it easier than way unless it’s a city break or whatnot then that’s usually on a whim – I’m a bit naughty like that. By booking in advance you can then treat yourself to a little something each month and pack it away ready. We are currently looking at our first family holiday with Alexis right now and this piece is the first thing I’ve got for my suitcase. You can take a look at this neon orange strapless midi dress from FemmeLuxe in the picture below.
Just remember we’re all in this big parental game together. You’re gonna make mistakes, have moments that you want to rip your hair out and you’ll also have lots of laughs. It’s about taking the good with the bad and accepting life ain’t no fairytale! If you’re looking for a squad of ladies who are first, second or even 8th-time mums then head over to Instagram. There’s a bunch of us ladies who share tips, tricks and a whole load of reality.
* The products included in this post have been kindly gifted to me. However, all opinions are my own.*